I’m not talking about those funny little categories that we put ourselves into to explain our eccentricities or the psycho-babble slots that we subscribe to – that’s a story for another blog – I’m talking about those darn sticky labels that those over-zealous sales assistants like to plaster all over their products specifically to annoy the hell out of me and ninety-eight percent of the population. What do they put them on with? Superglue?
The main offenders usually reserve their more resilient sticky bits for things like glass wear, crockery or plastic. You know – the stuff that really makes a mess of a nice vase or ornament the more you try to peel it off. I resorted to chiseling an offending label off with a knife in frustration a couple of months ago and ended up with two stitches in my left thumb and a nasty gouge out of my lovely West Highland Terrier figurine. I have also had an unpleasant experience with strategically-placed label glue on a recent underwear purchase – but I won’t go into it.
I’ve tried it all. Soaking helps shift the label but not the glue. Peppermint oil, which a helpful, nameless neighbour suggested recently, gave me a rash and left a nasty stain on my polished timber table when I spilled the darn stuff everywhere. Scouring worked after a fair bit of elbow grease but I now have a lovely vase that I can only display to one side as the other side is covered in hundreds of fine, circular grazes that have nothing to do with the delicate rose pattern etched onto the face.
And what about mirrors? Don’t start me. Why is it mandatory that one must stick a label onto every single mirror in the display room? Have they not heard of tags and string? Does our inherent desire to stick, glue and plaster come from a dim, but pleasant past time of kindergarten paper mache and water-flour glue? If it doesn’t stick it isn’t art?
I just bought myself a plastic dish drainer with a massive sticky label attached to its back end. I’ve had a go at it but it’s not budging. I’m tossing up whether to write to the manufacturer to make a complaint or send them a bill for cleaning services.