As I sat in my loungeroom enjoying the afterglow of good wishes from friends and family from the recent New Year’s Eve shindig, I contemplated my year just gone, my year ahead, and my life in general. I was still awake at 4 a.m., thinking about it all and how I ended up at this point, courting the promise of a new year of possibilities.
Indeed, I think many of us do this very same thing at the end of each year. Some of us make promises to ourselves, promises to others present at the time of contemplation, and promises to the universe in a trade off for something better than what has gone before.
This year my husband was working away, as he does every other new year, to relieve the ‘other guy’ so that he can have his turn at home. Sometimes it works well, and sometimes we can be apart for consecutive new year’s celebrations, which takes a lot of the joy away from seeing in the new year for me. It is these times that I am prone to more contemplation and hypothesising than usual. I look back on what I have done and I feel amazed that I have reached this point of mortality as my youth slowly sinks into the west.
As we are getting older it is much less off a social celebration, hopping from party to party and nightclub to nightclub. We have become more sedate in our meanderings and we are happy in the knowledge that we get to spend another year together to do what we will with it.
Each year I hope that it is better than the last, and generally it is. I learn more about myself, my husband, and life, and I am more comfortable with it as I mature. I am no longer on the lookout for a ‘good time’…but rather a ‘long time,’ and the presence of mind to achieve my goals instead of just wishing for them.
When I was twenty, I was nothing like the person I am now, and the old adage of youth being wasted on the young was true in my case. It took a debilitating illness for me to finally pick up the gauntlet and run with it.
I’m still working towards goals that I couldn’t have possibly imagined at 20. Possessions are still important to me, but not nearly as important as the love of my husband and the history we have together now.
So as I contemplate this year, I hope that I can still have what I have right at this moment, with another year’s experience under my belt, and be happy in myself that this is enough.
Happy new year.